oh man, i just had a funny dream. I’ll try the best i can to reproduce it here. It’s quite an event when i have a funny dream, cause it leaves me giggling like a school girl all day, and it’s pretty rare cause i usually dream about walking vaginas attached to a pair of breasts. i believe their refered to as “women” in some circles.
wow. that was terrible. i hope this goes well….
Dream Journal Entry #1: The Hollywood Sitcom
so we start off in a run-down L.A. flower shop, where I, Chris Rock, and the two guys from the Mighty Boosh are gathered. Rock and I are auditioning for the chance to make a sitcom. This is still-funny Chris Rock, mind you. The Mighty Boosh guys are the network execs. The longer haired guy (Vince Noir) is like the succesful, “in”-guy who knows more about the industry and has had a few shows under his belt, while the enigmatic Howard Moon (moustached guy) is more the misunderstood, failed comedy sitcom writer.
isn’t it impressive how much back-story my dreams have? Ok.
Vince: Ok guys here are some card of key words (it’s not important whats on them), I want you to try and have a conversation using these words and just try to be as naturally funny as you can.
Rock: O-k (you know, how he sez it. all chris rock-like). So, let’s get off these couches and go get some fried cheese. I’m starving.
Me: Well can we at least watch the weather so we can tell what it’s like outside. I’m sick of watching the news anyway (WOW! what a great premise for a sitcom…)
Rock: Well we’ve got to try and get some work. This apartment isn’t going to pay for itself you know.
Me: (thinking: shit, i’m losing them. better pull a rabbit out of the hat here). right. well yesteray on my way home from the bank I was walking down the street and saw a crab walking down the street. that was kinda weird.
at this point, i remember Howard stifling laughter, Vince writing something down and a shocked look on Rock’s face.
Rock: man, what are you talking about?
Me:…it was a king crab.
Howard: i can already tell the networks aren’t going to get this guy.
Vince: it’s funny but too random. Chris, try to make a reference to Adam Gabriel, from Moby Dick (note: i don’t know who adam gabriel is, and i’ve never read Moby Dick).
Rock:it was probably adam gabriel. he’s all over the place now…
Vince: since he made it big! say that, remember adam strikes it rich by the end of the Moby Dick.
Me: well, i don’t know. i tried to follow him, but he caught on and got all snooty. i had to hail a taxi to tail him.
Howard: you must not have been going very fast to match his crab-speed?
Me: no, we were kind of just rolling in neutral.
Rock: well, that still doesn’t change the fact that we don’t have any money to make rent!
Me: WELL!!! it turns out that the taxi driver was actually “Scorch-io” the male stripper! he says their hiring at the male strip club.
here everybody bursts out laughing.
Vince: ok guys, that’s time.
Howard: Chris, we’ll be talking to you. Vince, should we just give marcel the money for showing up.
Vince: well, i really think we could give him a contract, but i don’t think the networks will get his random style of comedy (hahah! you can so tell this is my dream. if this were real-life there’d totally be a cut and then a scene of just outside the door and them throwing my ass out of there!). don’t worry kid, it’s not your fault.
Me: yeah. fuck network television!
everybody raises a pint of beer and yells “fuck network television!”
aaaaand star-wipe, and we’re out.
i hope that was funny. i woke up laughing. but, you know. im an idiot.