I’m sorry but your hipster is in another castle!!!

2 05 2006

what you about to read is true. only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

NEW ISSUE!! Super Scenester Bros. Walkthrough!!

Intro Level: Here you'll be getting the hang of the things and preparing for the long journey ahead of you. Luckily, your body has rejected sleep altogether. This will add needed hours of exploration time! Once you start the day, go straight from your bed to the coffee machine to find an extra health canister. From here you may want to do some writing for the paper you plan to submit to Apllied and Environmental Micro. Keep in mind that spending all night with with toronto hipsters could cause you to lose points from your intelligence stat!!

Stage 1-1: Meet up with Kyle (from ironbitchface<-omg) and Brad (from milkbagbrother<-lvl 23 warlock-elf-wizard) and start goofing around in kitchener. Five screens past the lake is mount evil where you can meet the wizard Gowan and learn about wicked-badd mullets! Stock up on extra cd's before you enter the boss' lair. If you've gotten the Bad Bands Revolution compilation (don't ask), that drive to toronto will be a piece of cake! unless of course the gardiner expressway is closed….in that case, you're fucked (guess what was closed! grumblegrumble).

Stage 1-2: Once downtown, hit Sonic Boom for more goofing around. If you've got enough rupees you can buy a sweet Prince single! It gives you a +1 to awesomeness! (but -1 to straightness). As an aside, why the hell are records $20!? They should be giving vinyl away these days! or, more specifically, giving vinyl away, to me!

BONUS STAGE: proceede to Second Cup and drink as much coffee as you can before the timer runs out!

Stage 1-3: You now have to get from downtown to High Park while avoiding saturday night traffic. Three guys sitting in traffic, in possession of a Prince single that folds into butterfly?? Sounds like a party to me!! u,u,d,d,l,r,l,r,B,A,START will unlock a (possibly drunk) cabbie from hamilton who stops alongside you and asks for directions to Healy's Bar. For some odd reason, you know the answer to this and send a cab full of poor hamiltonians to death by cougar-attacks…

Stage 2-1: Once arriving in High Park, you'll find out that your hipster is in another castle (his own house, getting ready) but he'll be there soon so sit tight. Better sit near the High Park sign and wait for this guy to show….

"Hey if you guys are here for the manhunt show, come with us" (EXIT hipster couple)…….

US: "uhm. we're waiting for someone"

5 mins later

"Hey if you guys are here for the renegade show, just follow the spraypainted 'W's" (EXIT bicycle-riding hipster)

US: "…oh my god! guys! WE'RE IN! WE'RE TORONTO HIPSTERS!!"

POW!!! Looks like you just got sent to DARKWORLD by the evil Ganon!! Where up is down, down is up, and all people feel the need to talk to you on the street. Once the person you're waiting for arrives, follow them through the park to the secret "renegade show" spot. NOTE: a renegade show involves waiting for a public place to clear out, then quickly playing a show on any equipment you can carry, all the while watching for cops and those pesky Goombas!

Stage 2-2: Now the "show" is underway. It's midnight and no light, so lucky for you, you found that flashlight in the car cause you are the official lighting guy for the group of 50 or so kids that are there. Robocopp are two dudes with attitudes that jump around. you'll have to hit them after they land, and watch for the fake blood they throw at you! Ironbitchface does great, but Milkbagbrother steals the show. Everything's awesome till King Koopa shows up and starts tossing muffins that we're accidently sprayed with a fire-extinguisher, at you! Damn that Bowser! Dodge the projectiles and run past him to cause his bridge to collapse and he'll fall into the lava below.

CONGRATULATIONS! You won! To celebrate, get back to your car and it's off to McDonald's for frosty, chocolate milkshakes! But beware, unless you're 7 years old, getting a large is A VERY BAD IDEA!!!! Make sure that on your way past the group of hipsters, you open all your car windows, crank some dumb party rock, and drive REEEAAAL fast so they know you've all got HUGE DICKS!! YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!





3 responses

3 05 2006

That really was an epic post!

I’m loving the old strategy guide theme!! and nice job with the crappy photoshoppin.

3 05 2006

crappy! i spent hours on those!!!

ok. no i didnt. total photoshop time: 1min59sec

i hope you enjoyed this. it was classic “this-is-the-greatest-thing-ever-but-once-i-finish-writing-it-and-reread-it-it-sucks-hard”
luckily, ive gone beyond caring what you guys think.


4 05 2006

Wow, cool post man. :mrgreen:

+3 geekness and -1 coolness.

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