i loves me my Hallowe’en.
so i of course will try to make everyone’s day little spookier with the wonder of internet link-ery!!
on saturday, i was best man at one of my oldest friend’s wedding. i was pretty nervous, since it’s a pretty big responsibility and i’d be lieing if i said that i could spare the time to be a proper best man. on top of the time commitment, i also had to get together something resembling a speech. so i griped and groan and thought and planned my small contribution to the verbosity that would no-doubt be a large part of this wedding. i came up with a basic game plan and a sweet, although ridiculous, main joke (he knew nothing of “the CRUNCH“). i was about to put pen to paper like a week before, but then i realized that if i wrote anything down, i’d probably hate it by the time i was up at the podium. now when it comes to public speaking, lab meeting for instance, i typically just wing’em and it always works out (contrary to the typographical vomit which i throw down here, i can actually be quite witty in real life, at times). so, i figured i’d go with the rough game plan and throw in a few glasses of tannin-infused beverage and all should go well.
T-minus 10 minutes i came up with a great opening gag. i ran out to my car, and used some loose leaf pieces of paper to cram crumpled up pages into my pockets, socks and anywhere able to hold them comfortably. the moment arrived and i walked to the podium with a folded sheet of paper, a glass of wine…and the open bottle for hence the wine had come. i picked up the microphone, and in the most nervous voice i could fake told the 70 or so guests that i had to cut my speech a little short, because the groom asked my to keep it under a couple minutes.
for the next 1-1.5 minutes i proceeded to remove crumbled pieces of paper for every fabric-orfice on my person. carefully flatten them on the podium. pour and drink a glass of wine. look up nervously. attempt to organize the 8-10 pages, clumsily. then just crumple it all up and say i’d just wing it.
laughs all round. an excellent way to encourage my funny gene to start up-regulating.
by the end, it turned out well. told a story, made a toast, spoke to the groom about the CRUNCH. i did however forget to use my “marriage is more than just four legs in a bed” quote, which i think is Shakespearian, but it doesn’t matter because i would have said it was anyway.
that guy was fucken classy!
Have fun tonight, Hallowe’enies!!!
finally, please enjoy one of my favorite Ramones songs!
p.s. who am i kidding….SUPER MARIO PORN
p.p.s. dont worry, it’s funny