god! i’ll never get that America stink off of my car!

21 02 2007

another day, another trip to the USA. but this time, i kept a list of a few complaints.

1. fuck. what is with those jerkstores at the border?! FUCK!

2. Americans drive incredibly slow. those of you with normal levels of driving skills will realize this as soon as they get on an american road and screech to a halt. speed limit of 110 km/h?! LAME!

3. turnpike

wha!?!

this is a pike—>

and this would be a “turn pike”

<–>

this—> would be an on or off ramp.

4. muth fuckin WAWA’S ICED TEA!!!

 

the nectar of the gods! four flavours of pure bliss! birthed from the amniotic fluid of the virgin mary, and brought into this world in the hands of baby jesus himself! (p.s. happy Lent, Catholics!!)

here’s a little equation to help you understand:

warm tea ice sweetener = DELICIOUS

this equation is generally followed throughout most of the world, however in the United States, they still use the Imperial measuring system, thus our equation becomes:

(warm tea ice) – sweetener = bland tea that’s been left out overnight = GROSS!!

now, at first i thought Americans were just retarded, but it turns out that this isn’t entirely true.

you see, WAWA’s iced tea is perfect. Just enough tea, to just enough fruity flavour, to just enough sweetness. To even try to produce a competing product would be sheer madness. thus, they make the alternative crap tea. noone drinks it, so they don’t put a whole lot of effort into it.

sound pretty smart to me.

anyway, i was down in Allentown, Pa, home of… a “welcome to Allentown, Pa” sign, visiting a friend of my girlfriend. he’s working for a big oil company now, so it was interesting to hear about the inside info. it was fun. at one point i got off on a rant about America, and big dicks, and bald eagles but thankfully we were all Canadian, so we all thought it was hillarious.

Also, apparently Canadians all say “about” as “aboot” rather than “ab-OU-t.” I don’t really get it.

The last couple days my supervisor has really been yankin’ my chain to get some REALLY old data together to try and get another paper out. it would be nice to actually finish my Master’s, though. I have to admit, all this time spent staring at Excel files has left me some free time to watch some old movies off to the side of my moniter. Yesterday it was…

THE FORBIDDEN PLANET !!!!! ooooo

an atomic-age sci-fi thing that was actually a whole lot better than i though. the “scientific” dialog had me in stitches (“but captain, how is it possible that our fusion lazers have no effect on the nuclear atomicty of the ethereal beast! we shot 45 kilovolts on a 16 microsecond oscillating beam-o-plex?!”). it was fun.

and today, the gore/borderline-sexploitation mischief of Return of the Living Dead 5: RAVE TO THE GRAVE (groan). I’m only half-way through this “masterpiece” because i didn’t realize there were so many tits flopping around in this one. worst part is, the opening scene was KILLER! kids find the gas that’s been used in all the RotLD movies, but this time they turn it into a drug and get high off of it, until they overdose and turn into zombies. whatever.

like i said, killer opening though!! (gory clip alert)

anywho, today, while not watching zombies and excel cells, i have started doing some experiments to get finished up for this paper. i may be busy for the next bit, but hopefully the stress will bring the funny back.

until then, look at my cells swim!!

!M

 

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One response

21 02 2007
Wengistein

Whoa, huge fish. I though Americans would drive faster considering how wound up they are.

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